Disclaimer: My son plays with Barbies, "girl" Legos, has been in a pink car seat (passed down from my daughter) for 4 years, and has worn plenty of girls' dress-ups in my daughter's impromptu skits. Oh, and my father is a transsexual- this isn't my first rodeo on gender discussions.
Answer: Yes, boys can wear tutu's...sorta. Whoever thought this was a 'yes' or 'no' question forgot there is always options, "c" and "d".
Now let's discuss this openly and honestly of course. This is a multilayered question because we all know boys, including my son who has an older sister, or have girls as friends and plays with Barbies, dress up, and may even prance about in a tutu. I'm totally not referring to that.
Unfortunately, this is the image people conjure up when they see a parent proudly announce their little boy likes to wear tutu's. For example, in this viral post a mother says a gentleman was upset with her for letting her 4yr old boy come out in public in a tutu. He was mad. She felt threatened. The issue was this man had seen the mother do it repeatedly and thought it inappropriate. He took it overboard, but she should prepare for this as well.
I prepare my kids for the world we live in, not the world I wish it was.
I wish there was no child molesters, but there are so I keep a close eye on my kids and track their whereabouts. That's the world we live in. I don't send them out without supervision or safety measures and wonder why they may have gotten attacked.
Tooting and tutu's: Society and the outside world has never been, and will never be, more accepting than our family life is. We do things, say things, and wear things in our house we never would outside of it. My daughter just learned it's acceptable to fart out loud at home, but she'll garner some awkward glances in public- I'm totally not taking a picture of her farting and posting it online to promote the cause.
When the social cause takes precedence over the child: After the post went viral, there were many supporters of this mommy being able to take her boy out in a tutu. Having a background in psychology I think those supporters considered their own image (it's a natural thinking error).
We see the world through our eyes which blinds us to that of the actual situation.
The real situation: The parents are a lesbian couple with a son. I know two whom are raising boys...as boys...no agenda. I have just one big issue with using a child to promote a social cause. Seems to be a trend now and it's ugly! Not touching or warm and fuzzy. It gives me the creeps because I care more about kids (that aren't even mine) than I do about sexual preferences.
Supporting the cause: We get rewarded for being supportive, not for asking questions, and since I don't need social rewards (could give a fuck), I did some digging. I found an older post from when the boy was a baby- the lesbian couple (his parents) removed all "daddy/male" patches from the clothing, such as "Daddy's Little Quarterback". Okay, fine, but notice the tagline "Lesbian parenting in action". Ummm social cause plug-in.
Our conversation: The mother and I had a lengthy conversation on Facebook. I inquired why the rest of us should not judge nor care if we see her son in a tutu yet she herself cared what her son wore as a baby. "Daddy" didn't represent her same-sex family dynamic but a pink tutu represents her son? This is the same lady that expects us to disregard what kids wear in public, but mostly just her son wearing a tutu. She didn't expect anybody to disregard her son wearing a tiny "daddy" patch on baby clothing. It's like one of those seek-and-finds. Did you spot the inconsistencies?
I also wondered how the boy got a tutu in the first place? Obviously somebody bought it for him and wants to help him explore his gender identity...at 4!!! A boy thinks a tutu is pretty? Yes. Yes that's right they should think they're pretty...and even attractive because someday there will be a little girl in a tutu who catches his eye. But it's mistaken for 'now he needs to wear one'.
Most kids identify with the gender (sex) they are born as. If he's all boy, the tutu thing is totally harmless, right? Wrong. There will be all these Internet and news photos of him wearing one. Not exactly a confidence boost. Identity (aside from gender) is formed. Self-esteem is formed by our environment. Our jobs as parents is to reflect positivity surrounding their actual gender. Encourage it, not explore it. That's what high school or college is for.
It's natural: My daughter has always liked streaking around buck naked while my son would eat cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My job as a parent is to guide my kids, not let them guide me on important things like health, gender, and online access. Letting our kids be who they are has merit to it, just not the leash we're giving it nowadays- i.e...
I'm not letting my daughter parade around town in her birthday suit to prove a point.
No matter what gender, eye color, hair color, or sex you were born, we were all born naked. My daughter wants to live her life au' natural and it's my job to curb that to an appropriate level. Fine when you're 18- be a nudist but while you're on my watch as a parent you are under my guidance even though deep down we're all naked! Lol- I had fun saying that! Naked as a mole rat- oh that was fun too!
Good for you, not for me: As natural as nudity is, we ask nudists to keep it to their "clubs" or "resorts", etc. That's some shit I don't want to see (yes, I've been to a Nudey beach or two in my time). As natural as anything may be for a select group of people, it is not their job to make it natural for everyone else. The social causes per minute are giving me a headache.
My father the transsexual: I come from a father who wore tutus (actually full slips) around the house. He dressed up. As a very young child I remember this and I remember it being a bad thing. The feeling it gave me was bad. The way he acted when he dressed up was bad. If a boy has a feeling to wear tutu's and that's acceptable then my feeling as a kid was also acceptable.
I may be an adult now and if I say it's wrong for a boy to wear a tutu in public I may be called a close-minded bitch but say that to my face as a five-year-old when I knew it was completely wrong with what my dad was doing. Not even my mom said anything about his dressing. She didn't act in any way out of the ordinary. But the feeling lingered, even while watching fun movies like Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire.
The fact that I can google, "Little boys in dresses" and come up with a plethora or potential (and likely) child molester eye candy is beyond disturbing. Go ahead and google that shit (just don't get caught with it on your computer during an FBI raid) and tell me if those pics feel good.
Kids make excellent advertisements for social agendas, but ask yourself if that's right.
I will never use my children to promote a social cause, even if it's regarding gun-toting ownership. No thanks!
What say you? Love to hear opinions! I've given this subject matter years of thought so ask yourself before you post a comment, how much time did it take you to judge me (if that's the case).
Wine Advice + Uncommon Sense
Everybody needs to express themselves in some form- mine happens to be written form...with an opinion. Occasionally I get in the mood for some wine and answer life's tricky questions.