WARNING: Dose of Reality Ahead...
Trying to be what you are not, does NOT make you happy!
I'm a 6 on the happiness meter, which is a "healthy" number. About half the population is in the middle while only one third is truly positive. According to positivity social trends though, the normies might as well be Debbie Downer's. If you're not bursting at the seams with happiness, you're a social outcast. Now that's something to be sad about.
There's lots of you faking it right now!
Did you know we're all born with a baseline happiness point on the spectrum, which means there's a large group of people who are simply "happy" not being very happy all the time? There's also another large group of people who have a lower happiness point yet try desperately to be happier because that's the popular message out there.
My happy: Positivity doesn't mean anything to me, other than a social trend brought on by self-help guru's who need to make more money. It has become a pseudo-emotion replacing all other emotions: 'He's so positive about it'. 'She's been so positive lately.' This describes little more than how a person appears.
This doesn't tell me how YOU are actually doing.
What happened to all the other emotions? Like they dropped off the face of the earth or my personal theory, they were gobbled up by the same monster that terminated the "Dislike" button on Facebook.
If you want to stay stuck in a false reality, it's extremely easy to do so nowadays, but there's an even bigger monster lurking out there: Depression. The happier you believe you need to be, or think you should be, the happier you will not be.
It seems that positivity is excessively represented even though this is not the genetic make-up of a majority of individuals.
I've discovered those that need positivity are those that are more sensitive to EVERYTING! To them, negativity is a rabbit hole. And I understand their viewpoint, I'm simply against transferring this expectation onto anyone who isn't similar to them, or expecting people to be at the same level of positivity. This makes many people less happy by raising the expectations to a happiness level that isn't practical or natural for many others.
Chronically positive people filter their lives the way I filter my children's TV viewing. 'I can only have positive people in my life'...or what? You'd be re-introduced to the real world? Shock! Gasp! With social sites and Internet use, people can CONTROL who they interact with, and PP's (positive people) will only choose positive, ignoring a variety of other people who just don't seem to make the grade.
I see even the most positive people work for it, and I can't imagine that's their natural baseline... and all that work to be happy. Ugh, it's exhausting!
Instead of thinking like PP's, and getting depressed about not being positive, I choose to be content with myself. I'm not going to sugar coat...much. I'm not going to change because the social trend is focused on positivity (even though it'scausing real damage). I'm not going to pretend everything is ok if sometimes it's not.
YOUR happiness doesn't depend on how well you avoid negative emotions. It depends on how resilient you are after experiencing negative.
Let's just say I don't go out of my way to eliminate awful feelings. I invite them in for a cup of cocoa, we chat, I even listen more than I talk (amazing!), and as long as they don't plan on moving in, we're like old friends. Comfy and cozy then I kick them out!
These other-than-positive feelings don't last. That can be bad or good news for some people, but it's comforting to me. PP's in a hurry to chase negativity away are doing themselves a disservice. A great read: The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama.
I say...Have a pity party. For a day or two, maybe even a couple of weeks. Reflect. Mull it over a bit. Gain insight...and move forward.
And please don't get offended when I tell you to take your 'bright side' and stick it where the sun don't shine. I get more from a good sulk than you get from leaping rainbows over cloud 9.
I pop right out of my funk with a burst of energy and a renewed sense of purpose. The typical thoughts that run through my head are: 'You can do this', 'Never give up', 'It'll get better', 'How can I figure this out'? I hope that wasn't too depressing.
My friends, there is a beautiful (and big) gap between negative and positive people. I like it there. They have a roller coaster for the ups and downs and a fantastic view beyond the valleys and hills. of life
“Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” Unknown
Wine Advice + Uncommon Sense
Everybody needs to express themselves in some form- mine happens to be written form...with an opinion. Occasionally I get in the mood for some wine and answer life's tricky questions.