I sat down to an empty computer screen. I had nothing to write. I had thoughts that I was an ineffective writer and blogger. Statistically speaking 85% of bloggers are, probably even more writers (in general) fit into this category as well.
The ineffective feeling spread rapidly because its not only in blogging that I feel this way from time to time. Today was the first day I was able to adequately name the feeling. It really sunk in (The perfect word to describe something should be a writer's dream- not in this case).
I can't for the life of me effect the change I want to see in my own life, let alone those I care about- My children for instance, so that they have what it takes to be an EFFECTIVE adult. That's my job, right?!
I'm supposed to be good at most things (mom, wife, employee, blogger, woman, friend) and yet all I come up with to describe my tasks and titles is "ineffective" by definition- not producing any significant or desired effect.
There are constant reminders everywhere in my life how ineffective I've been.
On my blog, there are numbers- fans, followers, shares, and analytics (tricks of the trade, tools of measurement, or totalitarian Nazi numbers. Same difference). There are kids who will not change their ways, there is a husband that expects more because I stay at home. (Apparently home/stores/appointments/ sports practices/working while mothering/pet monitoring/ house cleaning, is easier than an environmentally-controlled 8x10 cubicle).
It all boils down to being in a rut. Even if it's a good/tolerable rut, because at the time nothing bad is happening, it still gnaws at me. Simply for the fact that NOTHING is happening! No change! It can give a person the listless/restless feeling inside. I suppose I should appreciate a good rut. But I don't. It looks like a plateau from here. A mid-life crisis would be more stimulating than this stagnancy.
Then I get all philosophical and think maybe I effected this rut into reality. Everything I've been doing thus far has led up to it.
To get out of my own head I decided to search the world, well, Google.
Search words: "Feeling Ineffective".
Before I could finish typing the phrase, the first two words that Google suggested following that phrase was "teacher" and "therapist". Helping professions. Hmmm. It seems anyone who desires to help has feelings of ineffectiveness. Voila! Feeling better? Nope!
Then I find this gem right after I feel like a big fat fool for never reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Instead I read this: The 7 Habits of INeffective People
#1. Never have a plan: I always have a plan it's just kids, sick pets, the house (it's like a living entity as much as it takes to maintain), other people and life that get in the way. Life happens. Plans don't go as planned! Love them but they're INEFFECTIVE if your life involves more than just yourself.
#2 Always be distracted.
Ok I have kids! Give me a flipping break! I have a household of people whose needs come before mine. I have contact A.D.D (a toddler's attention span).
"Each tiny disturbance causes you to lose focus for an additional 21 minutes." That's pretty specific so I'm going to take their word for it.
Shut up...and describe my life already!
Shit I'm a mom! If I don't multitask the world does not go round. Laundry does not get done. Here, somebody handle my toddler and child while I make a phone call that might last more than 2 minutes.
I like to call this conveniently shifting priorities. Head-above-water syndrome. Nothing more to say about that because I'm so guilty it reeks. Why put off what can't be done before the dog pukes? He's dying actually and I'm putting off euthanizing him (how's that for exemplary procrastination?)
#5 Waste time
Oh time...What's that? I sleep some times, which feels like a waste of time. I'm often daydreaming about what I'd get done if I didn't have to catch some occasional shut-eye.
Google, you disappoint! No help here...
How do we get to the place of being ineffective or at least feeling this way?
I can pinpoint the first thing that comes to mind but it's probably not nice to say: I had a great handle on life without a husband, kids, and an aging mom. No, really. I planned everything from working to workouts. I succeeded. I felt effective because I put the effort in and saw results. It was 1+1=2, simple. It was all the kind of simple that self=help books make it seem.
Now I just put a lot of effort in...and my son still cries at soccer practice because it's "hard". I'd love his dad to work on soccer with him but then it's still up to me to keep the ball rolling (the soccer ball and the proverbial ball).
Essentially I am the momentum for 4, which feels like 3 against 1. Woe is me.
Fixing a healthy dinner pre-family was easy. Now it's a fight. I'd love to go for a brisk walk but my kids can't keep up so I walk at a 4 yr old pace, which doesn't exactly count as cardio.
A long ass list of ineffectiveness...I suppose if I didn't aspire to be effective, I wouldn't have to be bothered by this feeling.
Effort without effect is a hard pill to swallow.
Then my best friend calls and says, "Remember when you saved my life?!"
I'm passionate about no-nonsense self-improvement. Too many of us are plagued by faulty thought patterns- I aim to change that!